Let’s talk about the “F” word – Forgiveness!
Let’s be honest, we all make mistakes, have wronged someone and even hurt ourselves at times.
I think it’s fair to say that we can all struggle to forgive people who have hurt or wronged us.
As someone who was sexually abused for years when I was young, I know this all too well. I initially would not forgive my abuser but as the years went on, I noticed that I was harming myself by not forgiving them.
As a result of holding onto resentment I became bitter and was under the illusion that if I did forgive him I was letting him off. However, the opposite was true as I was the one drinking the poison of bitterness but expecting him to die. He had no idea I was holding it against him and would carry on life as normal.
I found myself searching for boyfriends, trying to find love. I didn’t like my own company and I had serious anger issues that would often end in violent confrontations with both men and women. Hurt people hurt.
Then one day I recall looking out of the window and shouting “I forgive you” Right there and then it was like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders and for once in my life I felt like I could breath.
It was interesting how I began to see everything clearer. It was like a veil had been lifted from my vision. I began to have respect for myself and decided to be single. I took a real interest in others rather than thinking the world revolved around me “the victim”.
It was reassuring to me to know that I had done the right thing. Respecting myself enough to let go of the hurt and pain and believe that in doing this I am also respecting my abuser believing that they must have been through something pretty terrible to do the things he did to me.
On reflection un-forgiveness is a heavy burden to carry and if held for long periods of time it shows on your face and steels your potential positive energy.
I began to feel full of Gratitude and would continually count my blessings. I was grateful to be alive, healthy, happy and all my basic needs were met. I was of sound mind and full of good vibes.
It’s an illusion to think that when you forgive people, you are letting them off the hook. I am a big believer in Karma and personally know when I am at the receiving end of her and have been able to pin point why I am getting a return for something bad I have done previously. She is kind like that, as she will remind you of why you are getting a come back, but it’s to teach you a lesson not to keep you in punishment. We have all experienced this right? As I mentioned above when I did forgive my abuser, my vision became clearer and I saw everything in a new light.
It’s like the story of the lady with the dirty windows who used to judge her neighbours white washing on the line. She would criticise her saying “she has no shame, is she blind, I would never show case my whites if they were that colour”. Then she cleaned her windows and realised that it was her that needed to take action. Her washing was always white, but her vision was distorted. How many of us judge others only to realise that it’s an indicator of something we need to change.
When we forgive, we are united with our truest self. As I previously mentioned none of us are perfect, so him without sin cast the first stone.
I recall many years ago a friend of mine saying “if something bothers you about someone else it’s an indicator that you need to change”. As painful as this was to hear it was so liberating.
There is no better feeling than feeling a sense of newness. Not being distracted and affected by the past but being expectant in the here and now that good things are about to happen. When I held onto un-forgiveness, I had a feeling of impending doom and was suspicious of everyone. Now however, I love meeting New people.
I actually count my abuse as a blessing. It has provided me with a great deal of Empathy. Before letting go I would struggle to feel anything for another human because I was in so much pain myself. I have made it my live’s purpose to help others who have suffered trauma. I want to help heal through Life Coaching, Personal training and self care with Temple Spa skin care. Selfless love is my ultimate mission and helping others to transition through the forgiveness steps.
To conclude forgiveness is a choice. We all have free will, but I look at it this way – If karma is faithful, I had better release my hands from my perpetrators neck so that she can have access to him and in so doing, my hands are free to be kind, caring, compassionate and as a right return for this behaviour I get SELF-ESTEEM.
Forgiveness is so worth it!